Virtues Beneficial for Women – part 2


We will talk about the third topic, which is hijab (the veil) and will proceed in the same context i.e. a Muslim’s responsibility towards Islam.

I want to put forward a new concept concerning what hijab is all about. [People who are aware of the basics of Islam] know that hijab is:

1- A duty imposed by Allah.
2- A behavior that protects society from temptation

But, there is another purpose of  hijab, which is related to the concept we are discussing now, it is a
symbol of Islam.

Allah wants Islam to exist throughout life, all over the earth not only inside mosques, but outside of them as well. On the other hand, Islam’s enemies want it to be only inside the mosques and never outside. Therefore, we want good Muslim role models to walk in the streets. Then people will be reminded of Islam while they are in the streets and they will remember Allah every minute, every second; needing no one to speak with them directly about Islam.

I think that the primary purpose of legislating hijab, other than preservation of virtue, is the goal we have been talking about. So, if we search for a way to remind people in the street about Islam, there will be no way better than hijab. It is impossible for a person to walk on the street, go to people in their houses and raise his voice reminding them of their prayers. So, how can we do it without speaking?

Allah ordered mankind to do some works that would remind the people without words.  Men were given the Friday Congregational Prayer (Jumu’a) and fighting for the sake of Allah and women were ordered to wear hijab; to put it on, walk in the streets, and through it she would remind people of Allah without speaking.

People will know that you have sacrificed and covered your hair out of love for Allah and your Islam. They will appreciate this sacrifice all over the world, whether they are Muslims or not. They will know that, to you, Allah is more valuable than your hair. And you will be rewarded for this selfless act as well as for being a reminder to someone who may return to Allah and testify to others who do not want to return. All of this without the need to speak or invite others to Allah.

So, we find that hijab is not a hardship for woman but it is an honor. It is our hope to remind people of  Islam everywhere. Everyone sees you in hijab and you get a reward without talking or making any effort, just for being seen by people! If a person sees you, a good deed is written for you. If a thousand people see you, a thousand good deeds will be written. Therefore, in just one day in which you run your daily errands, you can get the blessings that no man can get even if he prays in a mosque. And whenever you sacrifice more, do your best, face difficulty, and endure it all with patience, your rewards will multiply. So, [each reminder] may not only bring one good deed but maybe two good deeds or a thousand good deeds.

Therefore the subject of  hijab is very important because it acts as a reminder of Islam and you are responsible for it.

 Now we will move to the fourth topic: our homes.

How many problems are there inside the home? Some homes suffer from a decrease in love and an increase in aloofness. Spouses lose affection and enthusiasm. That feeling of matrimony no longer exists but the only tie between them is there common residence and the raising of their children. Life goes on….

I am often worried about this matter. Because if love existed between the two spouses, there would be tranquility, children would be well nurtured, there would be emotional stability and the family would be supported Islamic on principles.

But what are the things that destroy homes? All kinds of sins, watching satellite channels that exceed the proper limits, ill-gotten income, and not making the effort to approach each other…

But, is there any prescription that grants success to the marital bond and returns spouses to that sentiment of marital harmony? Yes there is! There is a prescription that returns love to homes, it consists of four points: one for you, one for your husband and the other two are for both of you. This prescription has been tried and practiced, it is not theoretical.

One time, a man told me that he did not love or even feel attracted to his wife. He did not even want to deal with her. I said, “Try this prescription for one month only and then do whatever you want.” After one month, he came back saying that he now loves his wife very much, and he could not believe how this happened.

So, what are those four points?

1. For the man: He should treat women with great patience and forgiveness.

For a woman, faithfulness has a very high rank (unlike the man whose heart is wide enough for more than one woman) that is why she appreciates the man who honors her. So, we often find that the woman is the one who maintains the success of her home and her love. Whenever you forgive a woman, she honors you. She will understand by her nature and intelligence that it is a forgiveness that comes out of strength and patience not from weakness. She will value this highly. It doesn’t matter how many defects you have, she will only remember that you have never insulted her nor wronged her. Therefore, she will honor you and will be at your command.

Some men quarrel with their wives over nonsense such as for too much salt in the food, or if she raises the TV volume while he is sleeping, or if a button of his shirt is missing. They think that to control their homes, they have to shout. But there are men who are in charge of their homes 100% without raising their voices or insulting their wives.

The first thing that destroys the home is the loss of respect between spouses. It destroys everything between them. I warn men not to insult their wives nor taunt them with insults toward their parents.

As for forgiveness, it is very important to make it clear that you are able to forgive. I cannot deny that strong discipline at times is needed in a home, but the basis of forgiveness is tolerance. We have in our Prophet (PBUH) as a good example.

It happened with the Prophet (PBUH), in the Hadith of the dish [and two of his wives]. Aisha was jealous of Hafsa who had prepared a bowl of food for the Prophet (PBUH) and his Companions to eat together. Hafsa had been saving this bowl for a long time. When Aisha saw it she pushed it with her foot (pretending that it happened unintentionally) and the dish broke.

Now imagine that something like this happened to one of us in front of our companions. What did the Prophet (PBUH) do? He got down, gathered the spilled food, returned it to its place, and looked at his Companions saying, “Your mother is jealous.” He said “your mother” to remind them that she is “the mother of the believers” so that their hearts would not turn against her.

Prophet (PBUH) gave up his right (of retaliation) but he did not give up Hafsa’s right. Later on, he said to Aisha, “Aisha, you have destroyed her bowl, give her another one.” He overlooked his right completely. Therefore, Aisha, could say nothing but, “Prophet, please ask Allah to forgive me.” (Bukhari)

Everything was over. The Prophet (PBUH) was patient; Aisha felt grateful for his patience and always remembered his attitude even after his death. Her faith increased [because of his patience].

If we think about this incident, we will find that a problem less than this, or maybe a very small part of it, may destroy homes. Even if spouses return to each other, everything would have been crushed within their souls because the problem spread and was known by everyone, so the spirit has been wounded. Allah’s Apostle said, “The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family.” He did not say that the best of you is the one who prays at night or the one who makes great speeches. If you want to know a man, you can tell a lot about him by observing him in his home and with his family.

2. For the woman: The woman can become a blamer who never forgets any fault and continues to badger her husband about everything. Although the basis of the marital relationship should be that a man trusts his wife and tells her all about his problems, now he may be hiding his problems away from her because she has become a blamer. As a result, he starts searching for someone outside his home to tell about his worries.

This job that is assigned to that woman makes the man tied to her for whatever happens between them because he finds that she is the only one who understands his worries. Thus, although he might not like everything about her, he cannot live without her. This is stronger than the love that comes from honeyed words because it is deeper than that; it is based on abiding companionship.

The man, in his life, has many worries and conflicts, so he needs someone to support him, to be with and not against him. You have to raise his spirits  and relieved his worries. Consequently, he will continue to need you until the end of his life.

For example, if a husband tells his wife that he has been fired from his job, there will be one of two reactions:

- She will blame him severely, she will cry, and will frustrate him more even though, in this situation, he needs someone to encourage and support him.
- She will help him, stand by him saying that life is a gift from Allah Who will grant them victory, even if she is afraid on the inside.

Take for your model the Prophet's wife, Khadijah and make her your ideal. Allah's Apostle (PBUH) used to leave her 20 days out of the month. He used to go to the Cave of Heraa while she knew nothing about what he was doing there; he was not a Prophet yet. Then on a day he came home shaking after his first encounter with the Angel Jibril, and said to her, "Enfold me in garments, enfold me in garments! Wrap me up, wrap me up!"

What did she do? She supported him and calmed him down saying. "No, I swear by Allah that He will not let you down. You always deal kindly with your kin, you are generous to your guests, and you help everyone in times of crisis." (Ibn Hisham)

An American man embraced Islam after he heard what Khadijah said to Allah’s Apostle (PBUH). Since his wife had spoken about him in that way, he must have been an honest and good man. Therefore, the man said, “I declare that there is no Allah but Allah, I declare that Muhammad is Allah’s Messenger.”

 3. For both of you: Set an objective for yourselves in your home, in other words, a home without a objective is lifeless, cold, not welcoming; its only goals will be to save money and bring up children. You should agree to set certain goals to be achieved in your home, great ambitions. As we said, consider yourselves as representatives for Islam.

I will set an example for this subject: 

A fifty-year-old man and his wife set an admirable  goal for their household; that was to introduce Islam to the whole neighborhood. From that came various projects and religious activities, such as breaking the fast with neighbors and visiting orphans. There were continuous conversations among family members about the needed arrangements to fulfill these commitments. This is considered as an antibiotic against the devil. If a home is full of activity then it is warm and inviting.

If you face difficulty convincing your husband of change, then pray to Allah and try to have him listen to a cassette or a story, try with all your means. Always remember that a man wishes to feel the sweetness of love but he never wants to exert much effort. All he does is to cry about his luck and sometimes threatens to marry another wife. But he will not do it as long as he is making threats.

So, try to get closer and convince him about some of these ideas to do a project together, such as:

- Inviting neighbors to break the fast together and talking with them about Allah.
- Bringing up your children, making them ready to emulate the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) the conqueror and bring victory for Islam.
- If you are wealthy, then your goal may be in material charity.
- If you are poor, your goal may be to invite people over.
- If you are talented, you can exploit your talent.

Everyone knows his own circumstances and personal abilities and will be able to specify his proper aim accordingly. I am just trying to give you some  suggestions. The most important thing is that these activities promote the religion and the best for our countries and nations.

As for those who have not yet married, I warn them against choosing a spouse according to selfish criteria.

I know someone who said to his wife on their wedding, "Let’s write down our priorities in this life."The goal of marriage is not only a matter of producing and bringing up children. So, each of them wrote by himself and then read to the other.

He wrote: 1. To spread Islam out in the quarter where we live.
                 2. To make my wife happy.
                 3. To be happy

She wrote: 1. Islam
                  2. Me
                  3. Him

Writing thoughts down is a very important thing for setting them up and executing them. We should write them in order to convert our inner thoughts into tangible things.

4. For the two spouses: This is the fastest way to have a prompt effect and does not take more than a month. Do you remember that husband who used to say that he did not love his wife and, in fact, he deeply hated her? I advised him to worship Allah with his wife and to pray with her two rakats daily before going to sleep. After a month, he came to say that he loved her very much and that she was the loveliest woman in his eyes. Allah is the Converter of Hearts.  So Allah unified their two hearts. Therefore, when you worship Allah together, there will be union between your hearts.

When I was twenty years old, I thought that love never lasted between husband and wife after three years of marriage. I was completely convinced of this belief, especially when I observed how my grandparents lived together only for companionship. (Life goes on.)

When I was in England, I was put in a situation related to this issue:

A sheikh from al-Azhar, sixty years old, came to England to lecture. His wife was with him. They had been married for nearly forty years. He lived in an apartment next to mine. So, I was his guide in England. He was treating his wife with great love, in a way that made me want to get married. Imagine this situation, one wants to marry as a result of seeing a sixty-year-old couple, not because of viewing a romantic story in a film.

One day he awakened me at eight o’clock in the morning saying, “Hurry up, I want to buy a present for my wife to surprise her when she wakes up.” He was trying to find a very expensive present, asking me if I thought that she would be fond of it, or if it would suit her. I was astonished, and could not understand.

Allah wanted me to visit this man after he had returned to Egypt. I was surprised this time because his reception was not as it should have been. He said, “I beg your pardon, I am busy for half an hour,so please wait for me.” And he asked me to wait in the salon. Sensing that I was annoyed, he said, “Excuse me, but today is the date of our private weekly reading, we have been doing this for forty years, when we finish reading Qur’an and praying to Allah, I’ll come back to you.” Then that was the reason!

Worship Allah together, and love will return to your home.

There are many other thoughts related to this issue:

- Mention Allah’s name for five minutes in any time as when you are in your car.
- Pray two raka’s before going to sleep.
- Visit relatives intending to do good to kinship and not for that duty of visiting them. Yes, it is the same visit, but it differs in its reward.

Beware that man is jealous in his nature and does not like a woman to direct him. So when you suggest such things, do not make him feel that you  are the leader. You can say that these are the thoughts of a certain sheikh or someone who calls people to Allah, so why don’t we try them?

Yet there is a basis for these thoughts in Islam, our Prophet (PBUH) said, “Allah is merciful towards that man who gets up at night, awakens his wife, and prays two raka’s together. When they finish, they will be written among the men and the women who remember Allâh much with their hearts and tongues.” (Sunan Abu-Dawud)

Because homes are precious to Allah, He put couples that pray together at night in the same rank with those who remember Him much with their hearts and tongues for hours every day.



LECTURES DELIVERED ABROAD
A SPECIAL SERIES BY AMR KHALED

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